I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
