you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
