I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
