somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
no, he came in my armpit
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
