I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
