And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
