textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
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There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
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I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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