I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
