Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
