im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
