see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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