with your own penis?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
