my mouth tastes like poor choices
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
