listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
All I want is dick and wine.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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