we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
