he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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