I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize