i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
