Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
