I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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