Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I don't deserve a penis
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
