You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
