Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
