So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
