curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
