my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
