Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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