OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
