It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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