I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
