I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
