everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
