I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I did not marry a roomba.
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