So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
