I think I died a long time ago.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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