i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
