I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
