I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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