bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
