Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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