I hate all girls vehemently.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
