Nicole vs. Life
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
