is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
