you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
