how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Sorry my hands just texted you
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
