she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
