we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Are my feet made of real feet?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
