Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
