THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
