They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
