the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
it was like eating out sand paper
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
