Will you blow on my dice?
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
