I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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