next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
