i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
