what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
