it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
