ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
