This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize