Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
