I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
