so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
