I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Oh god it's open bar.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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