my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
