Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize