I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i came on her dog
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
