So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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