note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
