Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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