I cannot find my penis.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
