I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
